Positive Parenting Skills & How To Be A Better Parent?
Today, more than ever, positive parenting skills are critical to a family’s prosperity. Positive parenting impacts future generations and the way they behave, which has an impact on the world around them. Parenting without a strong basis has always and will always lead to uncertainty for every maturing child, according to history.
That is why attempting to be a successful and better parent is critical and will be the most essential job a person will ever have. It takes time to figure out what healthy parenting approaches are best for one’s child, but it’s a worthwhile effort.
Creating and Defining Clear Communicative Expectations – Positive Parenting Skills
Before focusing on disciplining a child for misbehavior, parents must have a strategy, or game plan, for teaching their children how to behave. Furthermore, if parents want their children to be successful in their conduct, they must model acceptable behavior for them, although this will be explored later.
The foundation and initial steps to parenting are setting clear expectations about what both parents want. Parents should, within reason, plan and communicate their expectations to each other, depending on their background or what is deemed right and wrong. Make a list of your expectations (social, academic, religious, etc.). For various locations and activities, parents can be highly particular and explicit in teaching their children (family focused, personal appearance, or cleanliness).
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Some expectations are unquestionably more demanding than others; nonetheless, parents must consider the child’s age, ability, developmental stage, and the family’s finances. As can be seen, expecting a four-year-old child to make dinner for the family and then punishing him for failing to do so is completely unfair given his developmental level and age.
One approach to determine whether one’s expectations are realistic is to answer the following three questions:
Have you (as a parent) taught your children the expectation?
Do your children comprehend the expectations?
Can your children model and perform what you have expected?
These three questions clearly cover the majority of whether or not one’s expectations for their child are realistic given the child’s age and aptitude.
Second, once both parents have established suitable expectations and standards for their child, they must convey those expectations to their child in both words and actions. One thing to consider is how one intends to orally communicate those expectations. If a child doodles on the kitchen table, for example, providing positive and detailed feedback on what they should have done can help him/her understand how to behave in such situations in the future.
Another consideration is how one will express such expectations to others through their actions. The child will identify the “ideal model” from the parents with the parents acting out the expectations that they have clearly conveyed to the child.
Finally, holding family gatherings together is another approach to convey clear communicative expectations. The family can set aside time during the week to discuss what expectations should be held within the family household, as well as any concerns or clarifications that both parents and the child may have.
This will only assist the child’s behavior to develop for the better. Not communicating expectations and then penalizing a child might result in the child becoming confused, angry, and even spiteful.
Keeping Calm in the Face of Chaos – Positive Parenting Skills
Before you apply any positive or negative consequences to your child’s behavior, it’s critical to remain calm. Children can be caustic, obstinate, rebellious, and possibly aggressive. Parents must prepare for such situations and learn to maintain their composure.
There are occasions when children enrage their parents to the point where the parents become engrossed at the moment and are unable to think clearly. Parents must be aware of what is going on around them, understand their child’s limits, and redirect situations back into focus in order to respond appropriately.
Consequences and Reliability – Positive Parenting Skills
To improve or encourage good behaviors, positive consequences are applied. When you catch your child doing nice deeds or following directions, this is a fantastic time to use a positive consequence. Positive outcomes can range from immediate gratification (such as candy and more play time) to long-term benefits (such as trips and gifts).
You must also utilize positive consequences that will benefit your child, as well as non-monetary penalties (e.g. helping mom while she loads the groceries into the van for being so good while in the grocery store shopping). Creating a reward system can aid in behavior modification. Everything described above will set clear expectations for when and why you will receive favorable consequences.
“Adding a negative consequence to avoid or reduce a problematic behavior, or taking away something that the child values” is how negative consequences are characterized. Negative consequences include doing extra jobs around the house, removing a positive, and not watching television for the night. Children will quickly learn to avoid the behaviors that lead to these consequences.
Finding an effective negative consequence is quite a task and if your child misbehaves, remember to remain cool. Your child will learn appropriate actions if you remain calm and focused on one thing.
Everything that has gone before would be completely ineffective if it were not carried out consistently. Discipline’s “backbone” is consistency. You must be consistent in what you ask and ban, and in what you punish. If not, inconsistency between both parents could lead to inevitable paralysis. Inconsistency sends mixed messages to children; they need to know where they stand in their actions.
Being a successful parent with positive parenting skills means demonstrating to your child that you are dependable and serious.
Being a Good Example to Your Children – Positive Parenting Skills
Do as I say, not as I do, is a frequent saying that youngsters regularly hear, yet it just confuses them. Children will not do what their parents say because they will mimic what they have seen their parents do. Children repeatedly model the behaviors that their parents have shown them.
Analyzing one’s own behavior allows one to see the messages one delivers to his or her child. The primary purpose of parents is to always offer a positive example for their children to follow.
Another technique to role model is to act out appropriate conduct with the child. Another way to teach your children correct behavior without resorting to sanctions or consequences is to role play with them. Every time you practice doing the right thing in a scenario with your child, you raise their odds of success and reduce the possibility that they will see that issue behavior again.
Parents can teach their children appropriate behavior using these easy four-step role-playing technique. These four steps can be combined into one:
Switch roles with your child.
Set the scene, tell the incident that occurred for your child.
Start the role play.
Give feedback on the performance, using compliments where appropriate. Role playing can help a child think ahead and practice adaptive reactions to potentially frustrating situations, resulting in a more considered and flexible response to the problems they confront on a daily basis.
Praise is powerful! One of the most important things you can do as a parent is to praise your child. Praise is like food for the soul. It aids your child’s emotional development in the same way that food aids his or her physical development.
That sums up the effects of praise better than anything else I’ve heard. Praise is a technique for focusing on the positive aspects of any circumstance. Praise is giving a realistic, favorable judgment of a child’s performance.
The purpose of offering praise is to boost one’s self-esteem, instill a sense of personal fulfillment, and make one feel confident in one’s own skin. When one understands that someone has paid attention and has encouraged them with a nice response as a result of their efforts, one feels more confident. Praise causes you to radiate “well-being”. As a result, praising your child will only motivate them to perform well in whatever work they are given.
Some people feel that children need to be taught how to behave in order for them not get into trouble with the authorities. This belief often leads these parents down an enforcement path where they may punish their kids when things go wrong and reward good behavior accordingly, thus establishing rules as well-defined boundaries that cannot easily cross over from parental responsibility (or “boundary setting”) on one side at a time only -stepchildren could eventually think of themselves first rather than seeing all adults through this lens.
The article starts by assessing the extent to which boundaries are strengthened and weakened in today’s society. It goes on to argue that a series of political, cultural and social demands on parents limit any consistent boundary maintenance strategies they may adopt because it is often difficult for them if not impossible with all these external factors trying their bests at knifing away at our fundamental right as parents – namely raising children without being pressured into doing something we don’t believe in or simply cannot afford (time wise).
It even points out how gender can play an important role here: women typically take up more responsibility within relationships than men do while still retaining some level of authority over decisions.
Have you ever wondered if you’re giving enough love and attention to your loved ones? Alternatively, am I being overly generous? Is it possible that my kids will grow up to be spoiled? Is my rigor excessive? Alternatively, am I being too forgiving? What constitutes a healthy equilibrium?
These inquiries reveal two major categories in which parents’ roles can be classified:
The function of “nurturing”
The function of “structure”
These two categories encompass all of a parent’s responsibilities.
You provide your children’s fundamental requirements, such as food, medical treatment, shelter, clothing, and so on, while also providing love, attention, understanding, acceptance, time, and support.
You pay attention to your kids, are patient with them, and have fun with them.
You devote time to your children, take an interest in their activities, and encourage them to achieve their dreams.
You express to your children that they are loved and accepted through your words and deeds.
When you’re in the nurturing role, you enjoy and accept your children just as they are, and you don’t expect them to change.
Positive parenting skills has an effect on future generations and their behavior, which has an effect on the world in which they live.
When you are caring for your children, you should:
Make them feel good about themselves
Feel heard – that their thoughts, feelings, and needs are valued – and that they are understood
Because they know their needs will be addressed, they grow trusting.
They will learn that they do not have to confront unpleasant situations or obstacles alone since you will be there to help them.
Are able to give back to others by the emotional support you provide them. Their ability to empathize with others improves as a result of this.
The foundations for future healthy connections are laid down in early parent-child relationships that are caring and supportive.
Your children’s self-esteem will improve if they are valued just for who they are. This is a critical aspect of your role as a parent. Many parents intuitively understand that this role is crucial for their children’s healthy growth.
How Much Nurturing Should I Provide?
The level of parental involvement and care must be measured on a scale, as indicated below.
You may become overly protective, overly responsive to your children’s needs, and overly involved in their life if you provide too much nurture.
Children do neither learn self-care skills nor do they learn to consider the needs of others in these circumstances.
On the other hand, if you aren’t nurturing enough, you are too emotionally aloof from your children and aren’t fully involved in their life.
Children as a result do not feel loved or supported, and they do not learn to trust others.
The Structure Roll
The other part of your responsibility as a parent is to give your children “structure.” You direct your children, enforce rules, utilize discipline, set limits, establish and follow through with consequences, hold them accountable for their actions, and teach values in this role.
You provide your children the guidance they need to change, grow, and mature. Responsible behavior is taught and required in accordance with your children’s development levels.
Change in behavior, as well as improved growth, maturity, and ability, are expected in the structure roll.
The Structure Role’s Advantages
When it comes to structure role, your children should: Feel safe knowing that if they can’t manage their impulses, rules will be in place and that you will be there to stop them, guide them, and be in charge of their well-being.
When they don’t always get their way, they must learn to handle a reasonable level of irritation and disappointment, to realize that the world does not revolve entirely around them They become less egotistical as a result.
They will learn responsible behavior and that they are capable of accomplishing goals.
Learn from their blundersgaining decision-making experience
As they learn to be self-sufficient and capable, they grow more self-sufficient and capable.
Internalize the norms and ideals that you hold dear.
Parents frequently have more trouble doing this duty in a healthy manner. Discipline, teaching, guiding, providing standards and following through on the rules, and setting fair expectations for their behavior are all critical to your children’s growth.
You don’t have to be cruel as long as you set boundaries.
You are providing guidance to your child if you sit down with him or her to develop a schedule for extracurricular activities. You would be providing structure if you had your son read three pages of a book aloud to strengthen his reading abilities, which his teacher has stated are below grade level.
It may still be a warm and caring contact, but you are offering structure in order to help your child grow and learn new abilities. You may make youngsters feel capable and boost their self-esteem by holding them to high standards and assisting them in achieving achievement.
When It Comes To Structure Role, How Much Should You Provide?
The Structure Role, like the Nurture Role, has a scale.
When you give your children too much structure, you may become strict and employ severe discipline; youngsters may not learn to think for themselves, and they may become inactive or rebel.
Expectations and regulations may become vague and contradictory if you provide too little structure. Children may be perplexed; they do not believe they would be protected; and they do not learn responsibility since they are not held responsible for their actions.
Future generations’ conduct and the society they live in are influenced by positive parenting skills.
Getting the Right Balance of Nurture Role and Structure Role
You must strike a balance between how and when you nurture your children and how and when you offer structure, in addition to finding a place on each of these two scales that avoids the extremes of providing too much or too little loving or control.
Children need you to fulfill both of these tasks in order to flourish and develop in a healthy manner. It matters how well you balance the two responsibilities.
Your children may grow spoiled, unappreciative, self-centered, and fail to learn how to do things for themselves if you merely supply the nurture aspect without any structure or restrictions, or if you do not hold children accountable. These are the characteristics of a child that has been “overfed.” Your children may misinterpret your generosity as a sign of weakness and disregard you as a supporter.
Your children may feel resentful, neglected, and abandoned if you merely give the structural element without creating a strong relationship of trust. They will be less likely to cooperate willingly with the rules or internalize them.
Children may want to stay under the radar and hide their faults and vulnerabilities from you because they are afraid of being punished. You’ll miss out on opportunities to shape your children’s actions and choices.
Your Children Require Both Nurturing and Structure From You
Make a conscious decision as you engage with your children whether you need to provide more love and attention or more structure and guidance.
Assume your child just tossed a ball in the home, breaking a picture frame. Your first reaction might be to punish him. If he is physically harmed or afraid, however, you may decide that you need to be more caring and calm your child before discussing the need to clean up the shattered glass and why you have a rule prohibiting ball-playing in the house in the first place.
Your daughter, on the other hand, may be furious with her brother for once again borrowing her school supplies and failing to return them.
This is a recurring issue, and you understand your daughter’s dissatisfaction. Her punching her brother, on the other hand, is inappropriate, and you may need to enforce the “no hitting” rule before you can help her deal with her powerful emotions.
When it comes to knowing when to be caring and when to be structured, there are no hard and fast rules. You might make one option with one child in one setting and another with another child in another. It’s the overall balance that matters and has an impact on your children’s growth, not your individual choices.
Your Childhood’s Influence
It can be beneficial to take a step back and reflect on your own childhood.
· How successfully did your parents balance the nurturing and structuring roles in your life? · How does this match up with your own parenting style?
People who were raised in an overly structured atmosphere with rigorous and rigid discipline may find themselves avoiding such parenting with their own children and relying too heavily on the caring side of things.
And while being the “good guy” may feel better in the short term, it rarely works out in the long run for you or your children. For example, your children may request that you take them out for frozen yogurt after a long, hot, and exhausting summer day.
You want your children to not quarrel with one another or complain at you when you order them to turn off the TV and take a shower in exchange for your kindness.
They do, however, quarrel with one another and with you. After all, you went out of your way to be “kind.” You can get bitter.
What’s the matter with them? You may “blow up” at this point and become the overbearing parent you were trying so hard to avoid in the first place.
Consider whether you and your co-parents prefer more nurture or more structure. How each of you was raised has a big influence on this.
In reaction to the other parent’s approach, it’s common for parents to go in opposite directions over time. The following is an example of how it might work:
Parent Nurture is more caring by nature, whereas Parent Structure is more structured by nature.
Parent Structure may come to believe that Parent Nurture was too soft on the child and that the youngster is not responding to requests, acting pampered, and having an “attitude” as time goes on. As a result, Parent Structure establishes the rules and informs the child that he must adhere to them.
Parent Nurture believes that Parent Structure is excessively strict and uncaring of the child. When they are together, Parent Nurture is gentler on the child in order to help them feel better. As a result of the lack of improvement in conduct, the parent structure becomes even tougher. With fewer demands on the child, parent nurturing becomes even more casual.
This can go on until one parent is solely in charge of discipline and the other is solely in charge of nurturing. This arrangement is not in your, your child’s, or your co-best parent’s interests. It creates power battles amongst parents and gives your kids the ability to influence you.
While each parent’s natural preferences may lean toward nurture or structure, you and your co-parent should be able to comfort and guide your child. Finding a healthy balance is difficult, and it contributes to the fact that parenting is more of an art than a science.
While the times to be nurturing and the times to provide structure will vary depending on the child, the circumstances, and the parents, it is helpful to take a step back and consciously decide in any given situation whether the nurture role or the structure role will best help your child grow and learn.
In general, a combination of involvement and control will aid your children in developing the internal resources they will require to achieve.
Parenting your children and meeting their critical needs is a demanding, challenging, and rewarding job!
The future of our society depends on positive parenting skills.
The information contained in this post is for general information purposes only. Positive Parenting Skills & How To Be A Better Parent? is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.
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